1. Set Clear Rules: 

   Adults and youth don't have secret relationships with children. Private messages, special gifts, or secret outings are not allowed.

2. Listen to Your Child's Discomfort: 

    When a child avoids certain people or events, trust that instinct and ask gentle, open-ended questions.

3. Monitor Online Spaces:

   Many groomers use gaming and messaging platforms. Stay involved and ask who your child is having conversations with.

4. Educate Other Adults:

   Prevention is a community responsibility. Share credible resources with teachers, coaches, and faith leaders.

The authority of others is not absolute

In your conversations, make it clear that adults and other children do not have the absolute authority to command your child to do whatever they tell them to do. For example, they should not encourage your child to keep a secret from you or allow your child to do something you would not let them do, such as watching R-rated movies or leaving the house without your permission. 

Affection should be expressed appropriately

All children need love, warmth, and affection. They need to experience and understand what a good touch is. However, make it clear to others that not everyone in your child’s life needs to fulfill this role. 

Let children, family, and friends know there are other ways to express care, concern, and appreciation without forced physical contact, such as a fist bump, a high five, quality time, helping out, or a few minutes of conversation. 

Your child should not be forced to give affection

Inform others that just as they are not responsible for giving your child a lot of affection, your child is not responsible for fulfilling that role in their life. Explain you are allowing your child to decide when and to whom, to give hugs and kisses. Be clear that no one should ever force your child to give a hug or a kiss. 

Family members are not entitled to hugs and kisses

Because of their status in a family, or because of their age, many feel entitled to hugs and kisses from children. In your conversations with family, make sure you explain this can no longer be the case. This rule can be the hardest for people to follow because greeting others with affection is considered a respectful act. Doing otherwise is considered disrespectful. Family members may complain you are raising a disrespectful child.  

Many people want affection from children out of habit, rather than out of a deeply held principle. You may say, “Respecting elders is important to us too! That’s why we’re teaching our child to say 'Hello' and 'Goodbye' to everyone.”  

If others are still giving you a hard time, you can remind them that the rule applies to you too. You can say, “Just yesterday, John didn’t hug me when he came home from school. I felt a little rejected but, I didn’t get upset. It was no big deal.”

Bottom line: If your child is not wanting to be touched, even though it can feel like a rejection, respect their wishes. 

Establish Ground Rules for Your Child

Talking to your child about what is acceptable and what is not acceptable, will go a long way toward keeping them safe. These conversations cannot only happen once. They must be had regularly through each developmental phase. When you have these conversations frequently, your child will learn you are someone they can talk to about these situations.  

Some of the topics can be difficult and, quite frankly, triggering at times. Plan to leave room for questions and answer honestly in an age-appropriate manner. 

Tell your child these rules are for everyone’s safety, not just theirs. And that just as adults have responsibilities, so too does your child. Here are some rules to share with your child. 

Your child does not have absolute power over others

If your child is in a position of authority as an older sibling, babysitter, leader, or in some other role, teach them that they do not have the absolute power to command anyone to do whatever they tell them to do, especially if they are not looking out for the child’s best interests or safety.  

Tell your child that certain actions are an abuse of power and are not acceptable, such as commanding younger children to clean the older sibling’s room, breaking house rules, making threats, or not providing adequate supervision.  

Authority is not based on gender

Inform your child that their gender or gender identity does not give them more rights than others or the authority to harm others. You can model this by not condoning statements such as:

1. “Boys will be boys”

2. “It’s okay for girls to hit boys” 

3. “Boys are just more physical than girls”

4. “Girls need to tolerate the advances of boys”

5. “If someone hits you, pulls your hair, or plays pranks on you, it means they like you”

6. “Boys need to fight to settle things between themselves.” 

There is an important difference between a secret and a surprise 

Make it clear that surprises are fun and happy things to be shared later, they are only kept quiet for a short period of time. Examples of a surprise are not telling someone what you got them for their birthday, not talking about a surprise party, or not revealing the sex of a baby before it is born.  

On the other hand, secrets are designed to never be told and usually go against house rules. Offer your child examples of a secret they should not keep based on what is not acceptable to you, such as a peer telling your child not to tell you where they are, a relative telling your child not to tell you they are spending time together, or any adult telling your child not to report their activity.  

It’s okay to say no

 If your child does not want to eat or drink something, teach them to say, “No, thank you.” If your child does not want to hug or kiss someone, have them say hello instead. If an authority figure asks your child to do, say, or act in ways that make them uncomfortable, tell them that it is okay to question that person. 

Your child gets to decide who to hug and kiss

Let your child know they can decide who to hug or kiss upon greeting and leaving, including you. Offer your child another way to greet family and friends, such as saying hi or giving a fist bump. If your child receives a birthday gift from a relative, encourage them to always express gratitude; they can say thank you verbally or with a note, phone call, or text message. 

Your child must follow all safety rules

Tell your child their safety is your top priority. If adults and authority figures are keeping the child’s health, safety, and emotional well-being in mind, then your child should listen and respect the rules.  

Offer these examples as rules children should always follow: safety drill instructions, safety rules when playing sports, riding a bike, or using a scooter, doing homework, instructions on when to bathe, get ready for bed, getting up for school, instructions about crossing the street and putting on seat belts. Add any specific items that apply to your family or circumstances. 

Your child should tell you about certain actions

If you make clear what rules your child must follow for their safety when they are with others, it helps them know what behaviors they should question or come to you about. Encourage your child to tell you about the following behaviors: 

1. Being encouraged to keep a secret from you 

2. Being told to do something that is unsafe, like going somewhere with someone without your knowledge 
   

3. Receiving private messages or direct messages (DMs) that are not on an authorized school account from a teacher, coach, or another adult 

4. Being asked to attend special events separate from other youth without your permission or knowledge

5. Being told to do something that makes them uncomfortable 

6. Being denied the ability to take care of themselves or their needs, such as using the bathroom, eating, or drinking water 

7. Being threatened if they do not behave or comply with a request that is not about their health, safety, or emotional well-being 

8. Being belittled, called names, or mocked for articulating their discomfort or concern 

9. Not being given age-appropriate supervision or not tracking their whereabouts

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Questions to ask your child about their body:

1. Do you feel comfortable in your own body? 

2.  What do you like about your body? 

3. What can you do to keep your body healthy? 

4. Does your body react when you are scared, mad, sad, happy, worried, or excited?

5. Do you have any questions about your body and how it works? 

6. Is there anything about your body that worries you? 

7. Do you feel like you are the boss of your own body? 

8. Do you feel like you are allowed to make decisions for your body?

9. Do you feel like you belong in your body?  

10. Is there anything about your body you would want to change? 

11. Does your body do things that confuse you? 

12. Do you understand what puberty is? 

13. Do you understand how your body is developing? 

14. Have you noticed your body going through any changes? 

15. Are there any changes that are concerning or confusing? 

Questions to ask regarding safety:

1. Have you ever been threatened? 

2. (If yes) By whom and when did it happen? Are you being threatened now? 

3. Have you received pictures that make you uncomfortable? 

4. Has someone asked you to look at movies or photos? 

5. Has someone asked you to remove your clothes? 

6. Have you ever been followed or watched during times when you needed privacy? 

7. Is there anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable? 

8. Have you ever witnessed or been told to watch other people engage in sexual acts? 

9. Has anyone bothered you while you were walking down the street, taking public transportation, or were by yourself? 

10. Has anyone had conversations with you that made you uncomfortable (could be a child or an adult)?

11. Has anyone on social media that you know or do not know ever tried to make contact with you or ask you personal questions? 

12. Has anyone on social media asked you to meet them, send them pictures, or give them personal information?

13. Has anyone on social media ever asked you what you do at home, where you live, or whether they can come over? 

14. Have you ever been bullied on social media? 

15. Has anyone ever asked you to touch your private parts (or use anatomically correct language) or asked you  to touch theirs? 

16. Has anyone taken his or her clothes off in front of you? 

17. Has anyone ever asked to film you or take pictures of you with your clothes off? 

18. Has anyone asked you to touch the private parts (or anatomically correct language) of another child, an older  youth, or an adult? 

19. Has anyone ever asked you to watch as they touched themselves? 

20. Is there something you want me to know that I forgot to ask about? 

Sexuality

 Conversations Do’s 

1. Do tell your child, “You are the boss of your body.” 

2. Do tell your child, “You need to keep your body healthy and take care of it.” 

3. Do tell your child, “Your body needs to last a lifetime.” 

4. Do tell your child, “It’s okay for you to touch yourself as long as it is done in private and doesn’t cause harm to others.” 

5. Do tell your child, “It’s okay to ask questions about your body and how it functions.”

Conversation Don’ts

1. Do not tell your child to ignore their body cues. 

2. Do not tell your child that they can never touch themselves. 

3. Do not tell your child you will punish them if they touch themselves. 

4. Do not tell your child there is something wrong with their body because of their gender or gender identity,  or if they feel like they are in the wrong body. 

5. Do not tell your child they cannot ask questions about gender or gender identity. 

6. Do not tell your child they cannot pretend to play roles of the opposite gender or fantasize about it.

7. Do not tell your child you do not like your own body or want to make changes to it (they take cues from us).

8. Do not tell your child that their physical needs or wants are more important than someone else’s needs or wants.

9. Do not tell your child certain behaviors or actions (like dressing up as the opposite gender at playtime) will make them gay. 

Body Safety

Conversation Do’s 

When engaging your child in conversation, the following tips will help you know what to say if the discussion feels challenging or if you do not know what to say: 

1. Tell your child you will believe what they tell you. 

2. Say, “It is not your fault,” if they disclose something to you. 

3. Say, “You are not responsible for what happened to you.” 

4. Tell your child they have the right to set boundaries with anyone. This includes family, friends, teachers, coaches, clergy, or anyone considered an authority figure. 

5. Inform your child that any uncomfortable touch or behavior is wrong, especially if it violated a boundary.

6. Let your child know it is okay to tell what has happened, even if it is not told directly to you. 

Conversation Don’ts 

There are some things you can say to your child that may derail the conversation or, worse, make your child feel like they cannot come to you. Try to avoid the following: 

1. Do not merely ask your child, “Who touched you?” if you suspect something is going on.

2. Do not limit the safety conversation to only talking about stranger danger. 

3. Do not threaten to punish your child if they do not tell you right away. 

4. Do not say you will cause physical harm to or kill the person who harmed or might harm them.

5. Do not tell your child you do not believe them or that their story is unrealistic. 

6. Do not tell your child that only certain types of people abuse children. 

7. Do not tell your child it is their fault if abuse occurs. 

8. Never use the phrase, “Who did you allow to abuse you?”